You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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