i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
