it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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