and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
