i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
