he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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