She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
