I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
