But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
