I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I bet he comes in French.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
