Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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