you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
They are going to name an STD after you.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
