Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
