I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
