i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
