you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Drake has all the answers
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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