I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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