everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
