Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
