I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Ketchup is God's man juice
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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