the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
