we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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