Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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