no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
