you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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