Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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