I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
