i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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