I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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