We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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