It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
