yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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