im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
