Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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