I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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