I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
