In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
