In the future we'll all be gay
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize