wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
