if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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