They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize