i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
