no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
