I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
