i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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