how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
