Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(843): View more from South Carolina

When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.

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(909): View more from California

it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines

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(905): View more from Toronto

Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.

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(650): View more from California

I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester

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(507): View more from Minnesota

I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)

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(925): View more from California

Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.

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(716): View more from New York

He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.

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