I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
