I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
