Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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