My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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