Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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