This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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