You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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