I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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