8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
