I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
