i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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