What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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