I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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