Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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