is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
try to milk me bitch
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