life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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