I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
