I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
