There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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