They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
But break dance skills will only take you so far
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
