Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just forgot I was standing up.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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