she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
