alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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