the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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