If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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